For those that don't know Millie...
Millie was found on the Northern State Parkway on Long Island in 1999 or 2000. She was brought to the North Shore Animal League, where a coworker - Kathy - brought Millie home.
Kathy had plans in late 2001/early 2002 to move to Chicago, IL and could not take Millie with her. My family and I took Millie to join our Yellow Lab, Kobi.
Kobi was cautious of Millie at first, not leaving my parents bedroom only to eat and poop. Millie however, was right at home. She was completely at ease with us, and took a great liking to me, my parents, my brother and my Grandfather.
Millie was a great "watcher". When you spoke to her, she tilted her head and looked at you with a different type of glare, like she was honestly trying to find out exactly what you were saying.
Millie and I had our own little bond. I was able to mimmick her bark pretty well, and when I barked, she barked. I could keep that going for hours if I wanted to.
Millie loved walks--she didn't care where she was going, as long as it was somewhere.
Millie moved going in the car. She'd often run around from the back seat to the front seat many times during a short trip. My parents used to have a station wagon, and Millie would spend time jumping between the trunk, back seat and front seats enjoying every minute of it.
In the last few months, Millie started having a really hard time walking. She no longer was too excited about walks. She began to lose some hair, and preliminary trips to the Vet showed a possibly hypothyroid problem.
She was put on medication for her thyroid, and put on medication for her back legs. The medications didn't seem to help, and subsequent trips to the Vet showed that she had cancer.
Within days after the cancer diagnosis, Millie deteriorated rapidly. She no longer could get up on her own power, yet she still was interested in eating. She couldn't control her bodily functions, and she had to be carried around.
Her hair loss was more noticeable now, and she was completely immobile. Even to move an inch, she had to be carried.
After a hopeful transfusion didn't generate the needed strength for Millie to get up on her own, and after much soul-searching, as a family we decided to put Millie to rest.
On September 29th, 2006 I did what I always had done, except this time it was done in our kitchen instead of my bedroom; I slept next to her. On September 30th, at about 1:30PM, Millie was brought to the Vet and put to sleep, and is now pain free.
Hopefully, Millie is now doing what she always loved to do - run around, chase birds and squirrels, and give love to all she met.
I don't normally publish letters I write as they are kept private, but I'm making an exception here at the suggestion of several people.
Dear Kathy,
It's Jeff, you're funny pharmacy tech from C****.
Krisann was able to give me your address, and while I know I have it someplace, I know she'd have it handy, which she did. I hope you're enjoying life in the Chicago area, and that you're doing well. I think Krisann said you were working part-time at Wallgreens, or something. I'm still at Co*** - not even the same place really since you left. A lot has changed there, but the annoying people still remain. You remember who they are. M***s got promoted to Assistant Branch Manager, and F*** is still the Branch Manager. A***** (F***'s boss) was let go about 6 months ago. My role has changed there a bit - I'm like a "pharmacist by proxy" considering the [lack of] RPh's we have at the moment. That is a result of about 6 months of "consultants" from a company called Synergetics, where they basically turned the place upside down to try and cut costs, pissing people off in the process. Efficiency Experts, basically. If you've seen the movie "Office Space", that was exactly C****. Oh, we had a flood in the office back in 2003, that was a lot of fun. I forgot if I saw you after it or not. Time sort of escapes me sometimes, and the finer details seem to get lost in the big shuffle of life.
I still live on Long Island- rents and houses are CRAZY here. I have a wonderful girlfriend, who will soon (not sure exactly when) will be my fiancee and wife, and we're currently looking for a house here on the island.
We had some bad news back in August when, two days short of his 97th birthday, my grandfather passed away. I was actually on Martha's Vineyard on vacation with Krisann and Joe when my mom called me. It was quite a blow to our family, and I miss him more than words can describe. I live in an emptier house now, both physically and metaphorically, as the entire downstairs section is empty.
Anyway, the main reason I'm writing to you is about Millie. After over 5 wonderful years with us, Millie finally succumb to the cancer that was making her ill, and we had to put her to sleep on Saturday, September 30th. First let me just stress that I want to thank you so much for letting us have the pleasure of owning Millie for as long as we did. Millie was a wonderful dog - gentle, friendly, and most importantly, a vital part of our family. To say the least, the 4 of us - myself, my parents and my brother - are devastated. There wasn't a dry eye in the Vet's office, and even as I write this letter I find myself taking short breaks, unable to type as the tears well up in my eyes. (I originally wrote this letter at the beginning of October, but I couldn't finish it. It's now almost 30 days after she passed on, and I'm finally able to talk about it without getting overly emotional.)
As you know, we've had Millie since August of 2001. She loved to play with Kobi (our yellow lab), and sometimes he'd get a too rough with her, but she'd never get mad with him. I'd tell him to quit being so rough, and she would just walk away and come to me for some petting.
My parents were able to take both Kobi and Millie to our summer house on Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts, where they'd both run along the beach happily. Millie in fact, was quite the explorer. She'd run 1/4 a mile down the beach on her own, bothering no one and loving the terrain, and would come back to my father after she realized she had gone a bit too far.
Back at home, Millie and Kobi would be taken on walks every day with either myself, or my parents. She was always so happy to be taken anywhere, but she loved walks. Kobi couldn't care any less about the walk, but she was always so happy to be walked around.
Millie and I even had our own little bond. I could get her to 'speak' by doing some little noise with my throat, and she'd bark and speak unlike any other time, and in turn, I'd mimic her bark as best as I could, and we'd have a conversation for as long as I'd continue it.
All of my relatives and friends loved Millie. She was just so sweet, and just so happy to be in a loving home.
With my Dad's retirement came more traveling for him and my Mom to places where they couldn't take Millie or Kobi. I'd insist that they not be boarded, and that I'd make arrangements to be around and take care of them. I often had them both for 7-14 days at a time especially during the Spring and Summer, and that is something I'll always remember.
Millie used to sleep with me every night. At first, in her younger days, she would get up on my bed and sleep with me for a few hours a night. As she got older, her bed on the floor was her spot, and sometimes she preferred just the floor.
Millie loved to be cool. It would be a funny sight - Kobi would go out and lay right in the sun on the hottest day, and I'd spray down the grass or the back deck with water and Millie would lay in it.
Millie was also a wonderful guard dog. When Millie wanted to be, she could be intimidating to people. She knew where our property line was (I have no idea how), and she guarded it aggressively, barking whenever someone would come up the driveway or step onto our grass.
Over time, Millie's back legs started to get weaker and weaker, and while she was not in any pain, she wasn't quite able to stand up as quickly as she used to. Over time, it got worse.
About 6 weeks ago, Millie showed discouraging signs. She didn't really feel like eating her food, which was completely uncharacteristic of her. She also didn't have the energy to go on any walks. Everything she did looked completely labored. She just was always really tired, and we thought that since she wasn't eating, may be she had a stomach bug. We started feeding her by hand, and that seemed to help. I'd lay there with her for 45 minutes to an hour, feeding her kernel-by-kernel of her dog food, until she'd finish the equivalent of a normal bowl.
We brought her to our Vet, and based upon some blood work they did, it appeared that she had a possible hypo-thyroid problem. In addition to some Soloxine (doggy thyroid medication), she was also prescribed a type of 'extra strength doggy Tylenol' (called Duramaxx) for her legs. The Soloxine was to turn her thyroid around, and the Tylenol type drug was to help her move her legs better without pain.
After about a week, it appeared that the Soloxine wasn't doing enough, as she wasn't eating at all. The Duramaxx wasn't helping her legs, and in fact was upsetting her stomach more.
On subsequent trips to the Vet, x-rays didn't show anything abnormal in her abdomen - nothing blocking her intestines. She was placed on some oral antibiotics to treat a possible stomach ulcer caused by the Duramaxx, and the Duramaxx itself was discontinued.
Two weeks ago, Millie started to really lose steam. Getting up the steps was a 20 minute, labored process. Damn it, she tried so hard. She was trying so hard to get up the two flights of steps to come to my bedroom to be with me. A few times I carried her, until I felt she was a little too frail to be carried safely.
Another trip to the Vet brought news that was ultimately the worst news we could have found. Sonograms showed that she had cancer. Millie was diagnosed with a rare cancer of the Adrenal gland. The Vet said that surgery was an option, but given her age and state, he did not recommend it. He said that if it was his dog, he wouldn't perform the surgery.
In her last 6 days, Millie was unable to walk on her own. Her back legs were sufficiently disabled where she could barely support her own weight when we tried to stand her up. Eventually, by the 28th of September, she couldn't even stay standing when we propped her up. The vacant apartment downstairs where my grandfather lived since 1977 was now hers. My parents and I would take turns sleeping down there so she wasn't alone, and we'd eat dinner down there every night as to try and keep her 'routine' as best as possible.
We continued to give her the Soloxine as recommended by the Vet to keep her as strong as possible. However, the Soloxine itself was not without side effects. It lowered her immune system a bit, and with her back legs now completely ineffective in holding her weight much less walking, they began to get slightly infected. Topical antibiotic cream and anti-burn cream was applied to try and make her as comfortable as possible.
By Friday, September 29th, Millie's legs were significantly infected, and medication was not helping. Up until the 28th, she had been eating human food happily. She wasn't really peeing or pooping too much, though. On the 28th and 29th, she couldn't support her own weight outside to pee or poop.
With the Vet's agreement and blessing, and after a tremendous amount of soul searching, we decided that the best thing to do for her was to put her to rest. She had no quality of life at this point. In the last few days, she hadn't really wanted to eat and was throwing up. Her legs were completely useless, and she was getting bed sores from lying down all day in the exact same spot. She began getting lung congestion, as they said the tumor was attached to a vital artery near her heart.
The night before we had to put her to rest, I blew up an air-mattress and stayed next to her the whole night, her paw in my hand and petting her. I'd sneak in a few minutes of sleep here and there, but I mainly decided to spend every waking minute with her on her last night.
About 1PM on Saturday, September 30th we brought her to the Vet. We were all in the room petting her and comforting her, and the Vet assured us that we were all doing the right thing for Millie. The Vet administered the first of shot of two, and within about 10 seconds of needing only the first shot, Millie passed on peacefully, with her entire family in the room. We have elected to have her cremated, but collectively, we have not decided what to do with her ashes.
I know we made the right decision because in the last few weeks, Millie was not herself. She hadn't barked, wagged her tail, or smiled in several weeks. Eating and breathing required labor. She was immobile, and required tremendous help to stand up. We gave her a very, very fruitful life and took care of her the best we could and the best we knew how. I can only hope that she finds as much happiness and peace in death as she did in life. My grandfather loved Millie, and while I'm not the biggest prayer in the world, I have asked him to take care of Millie in Heaven the best way he can.
Millie was my little girl. She was as healthy and happy as an older dog could be until a few weeks before she died. She will be missed immensely, and she is completely irreplaceable. Words can't even describe how I feel right now, but I have comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, free from disease and pain. It's a decision we all know was right, but I don't think 1 single day is going to go by where I don't miss her. Kobi is a little confused at the situation, and hope in time, he understands. He often sits in the back yard, just looking around. Kind of like he's looking for her, and you know, I'm not even sure what to say to him to let him know that it's ok. Even people around town here are asking "Where's Millie?", when my parents or myself only have Kobi on a walk. It's been tough having to keep verbalizing it to people.
This has been one of the hardest letters I've had to write, as I've had to stop multiple types and just cry. I just wanted you to know about Millie, and that we're grateful for the time that we were able to have her. She was a wonderful member of our family, and an empty house just got a lot emptier with her passing.
I hope this letter finds you, and finds you well. Thank you again for giving us the opportunity to have our lives enriched so much by Millie, and just know that she was taken care of very well right until the minute she died. She was loved by all, and we all shared amazing bonds with her. I can only hope that someday - whether it's 10 years from now or 60 years from now, I am given the opportunity to play with Millie again.
Please find the enclosed pictures of Millie (and Kobi). The pictures span the time from Christmas 2001 until the very day she passed away. These photos are yours. I have also designed a website-based tribute to her, so if you'd like to see that, go to:
http://www.wilburstreet.com/millie
Take care, and I hope this letter was able to provide some comfort for you, as to the impact Millie had on everyone she came into contact with. She is greatly, greatly missed.
Jeff